China- a year later

It was a year ago today that I left to travel in  China.  While I only stayed for three months, I still feel a trememdnous connection to all of the people I met there.  I still hear regularly from many of my students. One student, Tina, in now studying at Fort Hayes University.  Selia was here this summer and is now back in CA, doing an internship for an NGO.  She is going to research Chinese policies as they related to childwelfare.  One student, Gabrielle, is just finsihing up a one month trip here. She came with a select group of students who participated in a workshop at the University of Arizona.  Agatha is studying for her GREs so she must be thinking of studying abroad.  Emily has returned to her village and working for a small company.  She is worried about losing her English skills. As I read her emails, I see her skills slipping away.  Olivia has stepped up as the new student leader of the OWrld Academy and I can just hear her confidence soaring with each new email.  Gloria continues to plug away at being a genuinely nice person.  Corina is worried about her brother who dropped out of school to get married.   Amber has been quite lately.  I haven't heard from her so I hope things are alright.  There are several students that I never heard from again.  I set all of them up on google email accounts so we could stay connected.  But they just never go to this site.  They set me up with a QQ account which is the Chinese facebook.  But I cant figure it out.  So we have slipped away from each other.  And that is my lose.

Selia's first assignment for her internship

Selia will be starting an internship in CA in January 2013.  She was asked to try to make contact with Dr. Fuyong Jiao, the leading expert in China on issues surrounding child abuse and xhild laws.  Below is an email which highlights her conversation with this expert.

 

 

Fuyong Jiao
Prof. and Head
Dept. of Pediatrics the Shaanxi Provincial People's Hospital of Xi,an Jiaotong Univeristy
President of China Society for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect
Executive councilor of International Society for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect ( ISPCAN )
Mail Add: No.256 youyi West Rd.Xi,an 710068 China
Website: http://www.cnspcan.org

 

 

Dear Sid,

Dr.Jiao is quite busy doing surgery for children recently as there are so many kids in need of help, so it was really nice of him to take a few minutes to answer my questions.

1. How China is organised at the national and provincial level to work on child protection issues and what problems do they emphasise?

According to Dr.Jiao, under the centralised leadership of the national government, China's Women's Federation, the Youth League, State Council and other departments are all working on child protection issues and they are all sponsored by the government.

At the national level, the emphasise on homeless and floating children as well as the trafficking.

At provincial levels, each agencies work according to their own mission or the arrangements of the government. Those agencies need to raise funding by themselves. Their emphasis varies from their mission. Generally, they work on trafficking, floating, homeless, left-behind children.There are agencies focus on both the rural and urban areas. Xi'an Philanthropic Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Center is the only organisation in China who works on child abuse and neglect.

2, What does Dr.Jiao suggest we look at in doing a book on global child protection?

Dr.Jiaosuggests that our book could take more look on China as there has are increasingly organisations( both governmental and non-governmental) and programs who have done a lot on child protection issues in recently years. Also, as a country with the largest population in the world, China is worth the attention and efforts.

Dr.Jiao, you are welcome to correct me if there is anything inaccurate. Again, thank you for your support to me as a beginner who is eager to learn.

With Admiration and Appreciation

Take care and Merry Christmas!

Selia

Sweet Selia love everyone who has come to my life!

Selia Wang ( Wang Min 王敏)

THE TEA BITCHES- the complete story

I decided to put the complete story (all four blogs) all in one blog post which should make it easier for you to read the entire story.  The first three blogs take place during my first two days in China.  The fourth section takes place three months later, when I return to the USA.

The Tea Bitches

 Part I – My first Day in China- Feb 2012

I am just leaving the Forbidden City when I am approached by two women in their late thirties. "Hello, Hello, You speak English, I speak Chinese. Ha ha, we walk with you and practice our English. OK?"

When I am in Asia, this is a request that is made of me a hundred times over. I never say no but it is tiring to be interviewed by these people. And it is equally hard to be polite when they distract me from my original plans. So these two women, Jen and Tan, tag along and ask me the same damn questions I am always asked. “You from America? You have husband? You have children? Where your family?"

After about a half hour, Jen asks me if I want to join them for a cup of tea.  "It very cold today. Tea hot, good for you. Good for you digestive system."  It is cold and I am tired so I say yes and off we go to a nearby tea house. Jen seems to know everyone in the place and they seem to know her. We get a private room and Jen asks me what kind of tea I like. I ask to look at a menu and reach for the one on the table but Jen grabs the menu and abruptly says, "No, this not ours. This something different."

 

She hands me a different menu and suggests that we try a variety of teas. So a waitress, who is in her 20s, comes in and pours us six different cups of tea and all of them are delicious.

After an hour, the waitress comes in and mentions something about my credit card and hands me the bill. I am a little confused but notice that Tan looks away, almost in shame, and then I know something is up. I look at the bill and it is over $300. Jen tells me, very matter of factly, I can put this bill on my credit card. I protest and say that this is outrageous but then Jen pulls out that original menu and I see that all of the prices are grossly inflated. The three of them work in unison on this scheme and I realize I am not going to get out without paying some sort of hefty price. Then I hear the gurgle of the boiling tea pot. Jen is holding a pot of hot water, standing right beside me. I don't think she would throw it on me. But then I also didn't think she would try to take me for my money. So I just angrily decide to cut my losses and get out unhurt. There are three of them and only me. Now, they were all talking to each other only in Chinese and the waitress is growing impatient.

"I don't have my credit card with me. I don't have enough money to pay for this." I tell them without confidence.

 

 "That OK", Jen says, "we pay half and you pay half. You pay more because you college professor and we just lowly kindergarten teachers You have more money than me”.

 

So they fork over about a third of the cost. I angrily pay 1500Yuan which I think is the equivalent of about $200.  I am filled with anger and fear. So I just throw her a wad on bills.  we quickly leave after that.

 

Once outside, Jen asks if there is anywhere I want to go next. I tell her I have to leave right away; I am so angry. I want to get away from her. She seems surprised, but says goodbye. I go back to my hotel, seething with anger. When I was in the midst of the confrontation at the tea house, I just thought that I had to get out unhurt. But now that I am away from them and safe, I am so angry with them and with myself. How did I let this situation get so out of hand? And when I reflect back, I can’t determine if I was being cowardly or prudent?  I am outraged and don’t know what to do with all of this anger and shame.

 

The Tea Bitches: Part II- The Next Day- Feb 2012

I am up all night, so angry that I couldn't sleep. I recalculate that I gave them and  I discover that I gave them about $300.  Now I am filled with more shame then fear. Now I am really mad. So I decide that I would go to the police station in the morning and file a complaint.   I try to sleep but I can’t.  I want to put this behind me.

 

I am up, bright and early by 7AM, the sun is just coming up. I go down to the front desk and ask the staff member if she would call the police for me.

"No, I can’t" she tells me.
"Why not?"  At first I thought I misunderstood her but her unresponsiveness confirms what I heard.
“I don't know the number" she says without any hesitation.

"Can't we look it up?"  I am puzzled by her indifference to what I consider to be a serious request.

"I don't know how to do that" she tells me shamelessly.
"Well, we can look it up on the Internet," I suggest with a little tone of aggravation.
"No, the Internet is broken for three days now." She says flipidly.
"No it isn't. I used it last night and your system is on right now. I can see that it is on. Can’t you look up the number for me?"
"No, the police will do nothing about it. It happens all the time. Last week a lady lost $500. Police can’t do anything because they didn't see it."

Finally, she relents and draws a map of where she thinks the local police station is located. So I set out on my own to find the police. But that is a wasted effort because I found nothing that remotely resembles a police station. So I come back to my hotel in defeat but more determined that the staff woman was going to help me.
I implore her to help me but she was unmoving in her steadfast position that the police would do nothing.

 

 "Get your manager," I demand with arrogance and anger.

 

 So she walks to the back room. When she returns, she tells me that the manager is not going to come out because the police can do nothing. Now I am furious. In my loud voice, so that the manger could hear, I tell her that she has a responsibility to help her guests and she should not be harboring criminals. Then the manger appears. She says they have a night watchman who helped out the lady who lost the $500. Apparently, the watchman wrote something on a piece of paper and told the woman to take it back to the shop and she got half of her money back.

 

The manager calls the night watchman at home and he dictates something to her. She writes it down, tells me to go to the tea house right away and see if I could get some of my money back. I ask her twice what is written on the note but both times, she just ignores my question.

So with note in hand, I march off to the tea house with anger, determination and just enough confidence to be dangerous. As I open the door I am greeted by a pleasant young woman and I immediately step in to my crazy mode. I show her the note and yell that I demand all of my money back. She jumps in fear and I now feel empowered. She immediately calls her boss and as she is talking to this woman, I am yelling in the background, "Tell her I am not leaving until I get my money. Tell her I am a crazy woman.  I am furious and I want my money.”  I am immediately offered half of what I paid yesterday. "No," I bark back loudly, “I am not leaving until I get all of it."

Just then the door opens up and in walks the waitress from yesterday. She begins to greet me but then she realizes who I am. Her coworkers call to her in Chinese to give her a heads up that a crazed lady is in their midst. She quickly throws out an offer for a 75% return on my money.

"No, I want it all. I have already called the police and I called the US Embassy and I filled out a report on you." That seemed to get her attention.  She turns her back on me and picks up the phone.  She talks to someone in Chinese so I don’t know who she just called.

 

"You no go to the police for this." She said.  She sounded worried. “Police too busy for this.”

 

“Yes, I did.  And they have a video of me leaving the tea house yesterday.  They showed it to me.  At the police station.  They have a big room with lots of security cameras.  They are watching everything”, I tell her.  I speak with confidence at this point because I do know that the police do watch and record everyone’s move in China.

Then I noticed a local police officer, walking the streets, right outside so I ran to get him. I was directed to go to Tiananmen Square to get help from the national police. I came back in a police car with flashing lights and three police officers.

 

I go back in the tea house and notice that outsiders are now leaning right on the storefront window and watching us.  A crowd is gathering.

 

I continue to demand my 1500Y.  But my request is being denied.  Then the door cracks open. A hand slips in and hands the owner something.  The waitress shouts, “OK, we have all your money.”  She holds a wad of cash.  She then demands that I sign a statement that I received all of my money.  She speaks to me as if I am the dishonest one.  I am indignant.  But I grab her sheet of paper and write “I received all of the money you stole from me yesterday, you stupid little thief.” I hand it back with a great sense of satisfaction that I have made a mockery at her attempt to protect herself from any further abuse from me. She appears triumphed and clever. And I want to ridicule her.  But I don’t because I just really want to get out of there.   And I leave with all of my money.

 

Tea Bitches: PART III- 4 days later- Feb 2012

 

It is several days later and I am now comfortable walking about Beijing without getting lost.  I am returning to my hotel at dusk. Things are looking familiar to me.  I am beginning to recognize some of the neighbors.  I see the neighborhood communist watch guard. I wave to the pineapple saleslady.  Some of the neighborhood kids wave hello and I wave back. I notice a woman waving to me. But I don’t recognize her.  It is really cold So Everyone is bundled up.   This woman waving to me is wearing a big puffy coat and hat and scarf.   I wave back.

 

As I get closer I hear, “Hello, remember me.  I Jenny”, she says so cheerfully, so full of goodwill.

 

“Jenny, Jenny”, I think, “who is Jenny”.  Then I get a good look at her.  She is the tea bitch.  She has tracked me down and now she is standing right in front of me, happy as can be to see me.  Acting as if long lost friends have reunited.

 

Anger surges through me and I have an urge to punch her.  But I don’t.  I am too stunned to see her and I am shocked by her audacity to speak to me with such a pleasant tone.

 

“Hello. How you.  Hey, we no get our money back at tea house”.  She says and then points to her friend, Tan, who sheepishly nods in agreement.

 

 “You help us?” she asks with a tone of sincerity, as if now we were comrades against the immortality of the waitresses at the tea house.

 

“What”, I shout in complete astonishment.

 

“Yea, they say you take all the money.  They say we get the money from you. We give lot of money but they not give it back. Can we have money”?

 

My anger starts on my toes and run through every pore in my body.  I am trembling in so anger that I think I am going to throw up. “Are you fucking kidding me?  Get the fuck away from me you thieves.  Fuck you.” I am shouting as loud as I can and the two of them jump back in fear.  They huddle together.

 

“We need our money.  We have no money”, she pleads

“Get the fuck away from me.  Who the hell do you think you are? Get the fuck away from me”

People are passing us and watching.  No one stops or tries to establish eye contact. But everyone now walks backwards to watch our interactions.

 

I take a few steps towards the two of them who have now become one big lump of huddled, trembling cowards.  I point at them, “Get the fuck away from me before I call the police. Get away, you thieves.”

 

They take off, not quite running but they are scurrying.  As they make their way down the alleyway, I am shouting, “Watch your purses, everyone, these two women are thieves.  They are thieves.  They will steal from you.”

 

Now, everyone in the alleyway has stopped to watch the show. As my volume got louder, their pace got quicker.  Soon they were out of my sight.

 

Back in my hotel, I go to the bar and have a beer in celebration of yet another victory against crime and injustice.  But as I am taking my last sip, a thought crosses my mind.  “What if they come back here with friends and attack me.  Should I change my hotel?”  I only had one more day in Beijing.  I have tentative plans to go to an evening concert.  I decide to lay low for the evening and stay in my hotel. I leave town the next day, thankful to put this incident behind me.

 

PART IV- May 2012- in Philadelphia PA

 It is May and I am back in Philadelphia.  After a few months, I am finally able to review my bank statements.  I go back to my February statement and look at my first ATM transaction in China.

In February, upon arrive in China, I went right to the ATM machine in the airport.  I remember withdrawing 2000 Yuan (about $330).  I remember having 20 bills of 100 Yuan.  I spent 100Y on a taxi to the hotel.  I cashed another 100Y for breakfast.  I put 100Y away with my passport and return flight ticket (just in case I needed it). And I broke a 100Y for my ticket to the Forbidden City.  When I paid the bill at the Tea House, I gave the damn waitress everything I had, 16 bills of 100Y and she gave me some change. By my calculations, I had paid approximately $250 to those damn tea bitches. 

But now, a few months later and back in the USA, when I look at my bank statement, it clearly shows that I only withdrew 1200Y (about $200). If I can account for 400Y and I left with change; that means I only paid about 700Y (about $115) to the tea bitches.

When I went to the tea house, the day after the incident and showed them the note form the security guard, I was immediately offered 700Y.  But I refused that offensive offer because I was adamant that I had paid 1500Y.

So now, there is a whole new twist to the story: if I really only paid 700Y, there is an 800Y surcharge that I collected from the tea house waitress.  No wonder she was so mad at me.  That means the tea bitches each paid about 300Y which is about a week’s salary for them.  And the tea house waitress lost about 200Y. And I later learned that the local police are all in on this corruption.  They look the other way and then come collecting cut in the profits.  I am sure the police never got a cut in this deal.

Anyway, I had a coat custom made for me.  I didn’t know it at the time, but the tea bitches really paid for it.  And every time I wear this coat, I will think of them.

Thank you tea bitches. I hope I taught you more than just English skills.

End of story.

 

 

Tea Bitches- Part IV

This is the end of The Tea Bitches Story.

PART IV- May 2012- in Philadelphia PA

 It is May and I am back in Philadelphia.  After a few months, I am finally able to review my bank statements.  I go back to my February statement and look at my first ATM transaction in China.

In February, upon arrive in China, I went right to the ATM machine in the airport.  I remember withdrawing 2000 Yuan (about $330).  I remember having 20 bills of 100 Yuan.  I spent 100Y on a taxi to the hotel.  I cashed another 100Y for breakfast.  I put 100Y away with my passport and return flight ticket (just in case I needed it). And I broke a 100Y for my ticket to the Forbidden City.  When I paid the bill at the Tea House, I gave the damn waitress everything I had, 16 bills of 100Y and she gave me some change. By my calculations, I had paid approximately $250 to those damn tea bitches. 

But now, a few months later and back in the USA, when I look at my bank statement, it clearly shows that I only withdrew 1200Y (about $200). If I can account for 400Y and I left with change; that means I only paid about 700Y (about $115) to the tea bitches.

When I went to the tea house, the day after the incident and showed them the note form the security guard, I was immediately offered 700Y.  But I refused that offensive offer because I was adamant that I had paid 1500Y.

So now, there is a whole new twist to the story: if I really only paid 700Y, there is an 800Y surcharge that I collected from the tea house waitress.  No wonder she was so mad at me.  That means the tea bitches each paid about 300Y which is about a week’s salary for them.  And the tea house waitress lost about 200Y. And I later learned that the local police are all in on this corruption.  They look the other way and then come collecting cut in the profits.  I am sure the police never got a cut in this deal.

Anyway, I had a coat custom made for me.  I didn’t know it at the time, but the tea bitches really paid for it.  And every time I wear this coat, I will think of them.

Thank you tea bitches. I hope I taught you more than just English skills.

End of story.

 

 

Tea Bitches- Pat III

I wrote about the Tea Bitches back in Feb'12 and never finished the story. So here is the third of four parts:

Tea Bitches: PART III

 

It is several days later and I am now comfortable walking about Beijing without getting lost.  Things are looking familiar to me.  I am beginning to recognize some of the neighbors.   I am now returning to my hotel at dusk.  It is really cold and windy.  Everyone is bundled up.  I notice a woman waving to me.  She is wearing a big hat and scarf so I don’t recognize her.  But I wave back.

 

As I get closer I hear, “Hello, remember me.  I Jenny”, she says so cheerfully, so full of goodwill.

 

“Jenny, Jenny”, I think, “who is jenny”.  Then I get a good look at her.  She is the tea bitch.  She has tracked me down and now she is standing right in front of me, happy as can be to see me.  Acting as if long lost friends have reunited.

 

Anger rages through me and I have an urge to punch her.  But I don’t.  I am too stunned to see her and I am shocked by her audacity to speak to me with such a pleasant tone.

 

“Hello. How you.  Hey, we no get our money back at tea house”.  She says and then points to her friend, Tan, who sheepishly nods in agreement.

 

 “You help us?” she asks with a tone of sincerity, as if now we were comrades against the immortality of the waitresses at the tea house.

 

“What”, I shout in complete astonishment.

 

“Yea, they say you take all the money.  They say we get the money from you. We give lot of money but they not give it back. Can we have money”?

 

My anger starts on my toes and run through every pore in my body.  I am trembling in so anger that I think I am going to throw up. “Are you fucking kidding me?  Get the fuck away from me you thieves.  Fuck you.” I am shouting as loud as I can and the two of them jump back in fear.  They huddle together.

 

“We need our money.  We have no money”, she pleads.

 

“Get the fuck away from me.  Who the hell do you think you are? Get the fuck away from me”.

 

People are passing us and watching.  No one stops or tries to establish eye contact. But everyone now walks backwards to watch our interactions.

 

I take a few steps towards the two of them who have now become one big lump of huddled, trembling cowards.  I point at them, “Get the fuck away from me before I call the police. Get away, you thieves.”

 

They take off, not quite running but they are scurrying.  As they make their way down the alleyway, I am shouting, “Watch your purses, everyone, these two women are thieves.  They are thieves.  They will steal from you.”

 

Now, everyone in the alleyway has stopped to watch the show. As my volume got louder, their pace got quicker.  Soon they were out of my sight.

 

Back in my hotel, I go to the bar and have a beer in celebration of yet another victory against crime and injustice.  But as I am taking my last sip, a thought crosses my mind.  “What if they come back here with friends and attack me.  Should I change my hotel?”  I only had one more day in Beijing.  I have tentative plans to go to an evening concert.  I decide to lay low for the evening and stay in my hotel. I leave town the next day, thankful to put this incident behind me.

 

 

The Men's Academy for the Future of Women in China

Last year, some of the young men on campus approached Jerrie (the director of the World Academy for the Future of Women) and asked her to start a Men's Academy.  Jerrie thought they wanted to start the group to promote men.  But they told her that they were interested in promoting the needs of women in China.  One young man told the story about his sister.  She is smarter than he is. However, he was the one sent to school.  She had to stay home after middle school and work on the darm. 
Another student told the story of his aunt who was raped and then shunned by her village.  She had no options available to her once she became damaged goods.  So Jerrie started teh Men's Academy last year with 12 male students.  This year, enrollment is up to 40 students.  They meet once a week and think up ways to promote opportunities for women in China.

Adoption in China- One Child Policy 20 years later

Adoption in China- One Child Policy 20 years later

 

Selia is going to get to know another young Chinese woman who was adopted.  As I mentioned in a previous blog, one of the young women highlighted in the movie, Somewhere Between, had agreed to connect with Selia.  Both women were put up for adoption due to the one child policy.  Ann was adopted by white Americans and grew up in PA.  Selia was adopted by older Chinese parents and has not yet been told by her parents that she was in fact adopted.  As her uncle once told her, he would not talk to her about it because, “it is not the Chinese way.”

 

 

Email from Ann to me:

 

Mrs. Kelly,

I'm emailing you in regards to the girl from China that you spoke with me about. I'm sorry for sending this so late, it's been a busy week home for me, but I'd love to get a chance to meet this girl and try helping her with anything she needs.

If you're still interested, please let me know.

 

Thanks and hope you have a happy Thanksgiving,

Ann Boccuti

 

My response back to Ann:

Great. I just wrote to Selia to see if she is interested in making this connection. I know she is going to her village this weekend so it may be a few days before I hear from her. In the interim please feel free to go on my LinkedIn profile and look up Selia Wang.

Bridget Kelly

Long Nv

 

 

My email to Selia:

I met a young Chinese woman who was adopted by white Americans when she was an infant and she grew up in the USA. She was just featured in a documentary film called Somewhere Between. I asked her if she would be willing to connect with you and she is interested. Do you have any interest?

Selia’s email response to me:

Sounds good, I think it is a neat idea.

My email to Ann:

Ann- I just heard from Selia and she is interested in connecting with you
so the two of you can contact each other.

 

MY THOUGHTS ON THE WHOLE THING:  I don’t know who is more excited about this idea (Selia or me).  But this will be the first time Selia has met another Chinese person who was adopted.  This practice is very rare in China and very secreted. Selia only talks to the Americans about her adoption and she continues to be amazed that we speak openly and proudly about adoption in our country.  The shame of being given up and abandoned by your parents permeates all of these adoptions.